You can learn anything you want to. Anything. The idea that you are too old to learn is insane to me. You can learn anything dude. So learn some shit and stop worrying about “Oh man is it too late for me?” No. No! Stop putting invisible barriers in front of yourself as an excuse for not just sitting there and learning some new shit. Don’t give yourself an excuse. Just go do it. You could go onto Youtube right now and learn any goddam thing you want to. There’s a video for that. There’s a tutorial for that; you have access to all of it.
Thor is one of my newer discoveries — I found him because he popped up on Youtube shorts. Apparently these are snippets from his gaming streams? He is talking to younger folks; a lot of them are asking him “how did you get to where you are”. He has some encouraging words for them. Little does he know, he’s also encouraging this old lady.
You don’t need to be an amazing programmer, chat. Do you know why? Because Undertale exists. Undertale is one of the worst programmed things I have ever seen. It is horrible. There are rooms that have hundreds of if statements in a row checking the same value and then it sets the value to zero and then it checks it again. All of the dialogue in all of Undertale is in a single switch case statement thousands of cases long. For the whole game. But you’d never know that. And it doesn’t matter. Because the player doesn’t care. And the player would never know. That’s it! Go make games.
I’m applying this advice to myself as a musician. According to this vid, I am indeed part of the intended audience:
“The hardest way to make something is to wait until the time is right to do it”
“I compared the last year of my Youtube watch history as it relates to gear content as versus the amount of music I had made every month, and it turns out mainlining the flood of content is pretty bad for my ability to create anything”
“Just because you enjoy collecting gear and instruments and plugins or whatever doesn’t mean you need to make music with them — I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that whatsoever…I just like having them around and I play them every once in a while and it brings me a lot of joy…but, I’ve found myself getting sucked down this rabbit hole of Gear Acquisition Syndrome many times…and that’s the problem, when it actively inhibits my ability to create something”
He talks about the psychology of it — ex. with gamblers, the dopamine comes from the anticipation of the win, not the win itself. You get excited waiting to buy a new piece of gear, you buy it, and find out it doesn’t make music on its own. “We waste so much time waiting around to create something.”
So here’s my situation! I want to finish my Planet Project, “The Last of the 300 Worlds”. The last time I sat in front of a computer and made music was the summer of 2021, when I worked with my music tutor and handed in a bunch of music every 2 weeks. The goal then was to make a rough draft of the entire video soundtrack — have some music for all the sections of the video. I did succeed at that! and at one point the time crunch forced me into a solution I would not have come up with otherwise!
During the intervening time, many things have gotten in the way of making music. Because of Covid, I’m no longer a church musician, something that had been part of my life since 2001. Along with contact with other musicians, and practicing and performing music, it also added structure to my life. A schedule; deadlines. Pushing through social phobia.
Another disruptive process was finding a new home and moving from a place we had lived for 25 years. Soon after we moved, there were more changes. My dad passed away, and my mom about 6 months after that. My husband was in the hospital for a week. I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder.
Now after having been in the new house for more than a year, I feel much more content here. We planted the special trees we brought with us and bought several more — 25 in all! We set up the chickens and other pet birds. Just in the last month we installed 6 bookcases (two of which I built from scratch) and unpacked 35 bankers’ boxes full of books, 3 ring binders, and my beloved spiral bound graph paper notebooks. They are still out of order, so I can’t put a hand on the notebooks I was writing in during the summer of 2021. But they’re in my office!
And, I’ve touched base with my music tutor, who is in what he hopes will be the final semester of his music degree. We had a wonderful conversation, and plan to work together some time in the near future.
Why am I waiting?
The main thing holding me back from creating right now is my work space. My daughter is in the process of building me a new rig — one that will be able to run my DAWs, softsynths, and video editing software without chugging. I’m waiting for that with eager anticipation, as if it will solve all my problems. I also dislike working in my office now because it’s so cluttered and cramped. I haven’t yet found the power supplies for my synths and midi controllers, haven’t attached my audio interface. And my computer itself is so stuffed with files that there’s only a few hundred gig left on disk C. I’m afraid to try to run anything!
This house is set up differently than where we lived before. We have gained a beautiful living room and family room and two more bathrooms! But we have lost our outdoor detached garage and pole barn. A lot of things are stored in the garage and basement and they are packed so tightly that it’s hard to go through them, to sort and discard. A HUGE thing I could do is start the process of having a barn built. I’m scared to make the phone call. I had been postponing the decision (“Isn’t it selfish?”) until we had a minor flood in the basement and I realized that a lot of things we have in the basement should be stored somewhere else. Having more room is something that would benefit the whole family, not just me.
— More space, so my office can become a music studio instead of the place I put everything I haven’t made a decision about
— Find the power supplies and cables to attach the equipment I have
— Clear some space on my current computer
— Spend some time as a musician every day. Watching videos and responding to them counts! Listening to Dr. Greenberg’s audio courses. Listening to the concerto posted on Balloon Juice blog by a contemporary composer. Reading Jake Lizzio’s book on chords. Flash cards. Listening to Bach’s Well Tempered Clavier while looking at the score.
— Go back to the music I created in 2021. It’s currently in FL Studio. Start the process of moving it over to Ableton Live, so I can share files with my tutor. Are there parts I want to re-write? What parts fit the storyline and mood of the video, what parts don’t fit well?
That’s 5 items — that feels kind of overwhelming.
Barn
Attach midi controller and audio interface
Current computer — organize
Study music
re-acquaint myself with Planet Project
That’s good for now! Here’s the video by Venus Theory that I found so inspiring.
I’ve been inspired lately by authors Hank and John Green, who have been making a series of weekly 4-minute videos for the past FIFTEEN YEARS. The videos are in vlog format and are an endearingly random mix of comedy, inspiration and information. I’ll be talking more about them later; but one of the things I especially appreciated was “we gradually got better at this by making a lot of cringey vids and a lot of mistakes”. Here John talks about how therapy (both physical and mental) is a way of re-wiring the brain.
Another inspiration lately has been the music “connections” I have made through Youtube and Twitter. (I’m using scare quotes because the connections are 99 % one-way. ) My favorite content creators don’t interact with me (except for “thankyou to my Patreon subscribers for your support!” and the occasional “like” on Twitter), but I do know a fair amount about them — their challenges, their creative process, which instruments they play, where they went to music school and how that affected them, etc. I enjoy knowing these things and it helps me to feel like I AM part of a music community even though currently I don’t have any interactions with musicians IRL.
A recent Twitter music connection happened when a relatively new Twitter follow of mine posted a fascinating thread on “Perlin noise”.
It’s used in visual textures in video games — an obvious example is the Fog Gates in the Dark Souls series, but it’s also used for hundreds of other things such as rippling grass, reflections on water, and elevations on a map. And music! It can be used to add texture to music. When I searched for “Perlin noise” and “soft synth” I found a link to a softsynth called Vital
https://vital.audio/
and learning more about that, I found a whole series of videos by Venus Theory. Here’s one specifically about Vital
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49B7VsxDVVI
Cameron’s videos are very different from my usual music education content (ex. Adam Neely, 8bit Music Theory, David Bruce Composer). I was curious about his background, which led me to this interview
What he had to say about his work process and his path as a musician was very helpful, like “OK (deep sigh), yeah, I’m ready to come back to making music again”.
I love Deadmau5. I think it was his Masterclass that was the final tipping point to get me to sign up for classes this fall.
I want part of my LOT300W to include some EDM-inspired parts. I was wondering, well, how did Deadmau5 do it? What is the pattern of kick drum and snare, etc. I found this video
…which was amazingly well done. The graphics were funny and vivid, and it was packed with information. I let out a holler of delight when I found out that Joel used Strobe2 (my latest softsynth purchase). Also hilarious — Joel’s source of handclap sounds. He smacks himself on the ass with a microphone.
I did find all the terminology used to describe EDM very confusing and complex. I’d like to get the taxonomy straight. I would benefit from taking notes on this vid and listening to a few more.
Meanwhile I stumbled on this
…an orchestral mix.
and this…
“If you want me to stay
I need you to know
You can never ever leave me alone”
I love how the singer repeats the words with different inflections, bringing out different shades of meaning each time. The repetition reminds me of a prayer. The lyrics were heartrending to me because I know someone who just came out of a dysfunctional relationship where one partner was destructively dependent on the other. The lyrics are a cry from the heart — “don’t abandon me” — but is this a healthy state of mind? Or a form of obsession? I know that different species can live in symbiotic relationships and in fact that is the only way they can thrive (ex coral and algae). But what about humans? Is it bad (harmful, hurtful) for us to be dependent on each other? To want (demand?) fidelity and wholeheartedness from your partner? I’m not sure — because lately I’ve seen it go horribly wrong. When I hear this vocalist’s plea, I don’t know whether to empathize… or to recommend a good therapist.
I remember times when I was dependent on another’s deep focus and engagement, and how anguished I was when these times of connection ended. I can relate to these lyrics.
In this song the rhythm moves along, like a car down a highway or the minute hand of a clock, or a heartbeat, marking off the passage of time. Floating over that unchanging rhythm is a human voice, hesitant, changeable, at times anguished and at times angry. It is a compelling combination.
I remember talking to one of my profs last semester — I mentioned New Age music and she gave a look of mild disgust. She asked — why listen to something so boring and repetitive when there is music that is so much more varied and expressive?
Because for me, the repetition is…meditative? Like a form of transportation (worm hole, time warp) into a different mindset? The format is familiar and so my mind goes down familiar paths — I remember other times I have lived / worked to this music — ex. painting the aviary while listening to “I Remember” and wondering about how a friend was doing at that moment in time. The music is a familiar companion, a mood-altering substance, a way of centering. “I remember who I was the last time I listened to this”. Usually working and moving, sometimes even dancing.
I remember “house sitting” a beautiful, near-empty house (the owners were in the process of moving their things out to sell it). I had my boom box with me, and was playing this mix from Paul van Dyk. The sound echoed, and the hardwood floors made the open plan rooms like a dance studio. I had the lights out and danced, looking out the sliding glass doors into the dark, with distant lights from neighbors’ houses shining through the trees. This feeds a part of me, the wordless part that exists in the present. It gets me out of the hamster-wheel of my usual thoughts.
Ah yes, Finale. Drag and drop notes while banging your head on the desk.
I did make some good progress while working on a project for church. The goal was to make a version of “Thanks for the Memory” that was created to honor our former choir director. I wanted to keep the tune and rhythm as close to the original as possible, but I did have to make some changes. I got stuck several places, but because the project was so important I actually RTFM’d and searched for the answers online. Here’s some notes.
Quick way to add measures, one at a time
Get rid of an extra page
I want it to start playback where I was working, rather than going all the way back to the beginning.
This dropdown menu also allowed me to vary the amount of swing. I wrote the melody with straight eighth notes, but it did not sound that way when sung by Bob Hope!
I wanted to use piano rather than the cheesy Vox setting they gave me when I set the staff up as “voice”.
There are several versions of unusual pianos made by this company. To me they look like the skeleton of a piano since all the “flesh” has been taken away. This video features a vertical grand piano. The company also makes smaller keyboards with exposed strings — only 1 string per note, and an electronic pick-up (on each string? not sure) so that the sound can be modified.
I found this bit of music used on a video about an egg hatching, and tracked it down here. (It’s an example of royalty-free music. Interesting — does the artist get paid for creating royalty-free music?)
What I like about this is that even though the melody / chords are sweet, there’s a sense of unease. I think it’s the texture of the violin bow scrapings that make things unsettling.
I love Adam Neely! I heard about him from one of my fellow music theory students and since then have been binge-watching his stuff. Here’s a video I watched today while eating lunch.
At 5:14 Adam plays his own composition. I really like this and think I could use something like this in my planet composition. I want the Toxic world to be funny as well as weird, and passing a melody from instrument to instrument would be like watching a ball pass from alien to alien. In Adam’s cause the composition started out as a bassline which he then distributed to other instruments using his DAW, Ableton Live.
It’s been a while since I’ve written here! The semester is over and I’m starting to recover. The last 2 weeks of the semester felt like the final miles of a marathon. Then when I stopped “running” I stopped doing music, taking care of my health, playing with my dog, talking to friends. Now I’m starting to feel restless — I want to be studying something, I want to be exercising — and I’m tired of feeling queasy from feasting on unhealthy food! (And poor Bonnie the Dog feels restless, too.)
I’m hoping that I can do better next semester — pace myself instead of dashing from crisis to crisis. I figured out that if I read / take notes on 5 pg a day for the month of January, I can review the second half of last semester and read ahead through next semester! Of course the hardest part of the music theory text is not learning the terminology, but putting it into practice. But at least I’d have an idea of what was going on.
I also need to review what we did in Ear Training (I flamed out when we got to minor scales), and scan the second half of the textbook and print it out in magnified form. Having a large-print version of the text last semester was such a big help.
More about next semester: I did contact the prof. who teaches composition. I have mixed feelings about that — excitement (there’s so much I want to learn and work on) but also fear (can I balance that with my other classes?) I’m trying to get a head start on the composing project. On Saturday I drew a beautiful diagram that maps out where the composition will go and what its main sections are. There’s an intro; and mirroring it, a recap. There’s 3 main voyages, each separated by travel music (like the Promenade in “Pictures at an Exhibition”). Each voyage is made up of 3 scenes. What I can do over break is start generating and collecting material — theme bits, chord progressions, musical textures.
As a way of generating fresh music textures, I signed up for lectures on Coursera called “Creating Sounds for Electronic Music”. I made a first pass through the videos yesterday. The instructor is Loudon Stearns of Berklee College of Music. He is very clear and organized, but the course material is unfamiliar enough that I’ll have to go through the lectures again very slowly! Stearns is demonstrating the softsynth called “Strobe2” and you get to use a demo of the software for several weeks. I picture running the tutorial vids on my desktop while working with the software on my laptop.
I also need to get a DAW up and running if I’m going to be composing. I bought a copy of Reaper last summer and even bought the guide book (which is several inches thick!), but haven’t actually jumped in yet. I do have FL Studio, but I plan to be using a lot of mp3 clips (from my own recordings) and FL Studio handles them in a very clunky way. What I really wish I could have is a fusion of Audacity and my old sequencer software from the 90s called Cadenza.
So, to recap
Text review and reading ahead (notecards)
Ear training review and working ahead — make large print version
Composing
generate bits to collage together later
learn Strobe2 and start generating textures
work on Reaper, start to get familiar with it
I had been planning on getting a used piano over break, and had planned on continuing with piano lessons next semester (though only 1 credit rather than 2). But, looking at my list, maybe it would be smart to postpone the piano purchase, and the lessons. I can certainly still work on scales and arpeggios on my own, and bought a series of 8 lesson books on sight reading (Christmas gift to myself!). I guess I can still change my mind on that, but Text / Ear / Composing is probably enough.
It would be great to go through the semester without my little bubble of drama following me everywhere.
Oh and did I mention I set up a blog for our music theory class? But no one (except for one student) has been willing to post on it, so I guess it’s not going to be a big energy sink?
