I’m still working on the Morning Noodle project. A few days ago I organized and labeled the pages; I’m up to 59. I don’t generate a page every day; some days just half a page, other days more than a page. I sit at the piano, toss the solfege dice, see what I can do with it, and work at it til I get restless.

My usual approach is to take the random notes in order and group them into chords. Lots of suspendeds and chord extensions! I play slowly, because I don’t know my way around a keyboard well. For several days this past week I felt bored with what I was coming up with (“It all sounds the same”) so I added a complication by treating the string of random notes as a melody, and rolling a separate die for the note durations. This particular die is a D60. It’s huge (larger than a pingpong ball). and solid metal. The way I’m calculating note values is — 60 is a whole note, 30 is a half note, 15 is a quarter note. 20 is a dotted quarter and 40 is a dotted half. I guess I could say 8 is an eighth note and 4 is a 16th note, but right now I don’t want to get that crazy — I’m just rounding the numbers up or down. Thursday when I did this I wound up with a melody in 12/8, which I thought was cool. Not a meter I normally work in. Yesterday it was in 4/4 and sort of ponderous and lumpy, so instead of treating it as a melody I used it as a baseline for chords — throwing out anything I didn’t like. It’s as if I’m rounding off the edges. I’m sure someone like Adam Maness could take even the oddball notes and metric intervals and make something interesting out of it!

Today I’m having trouble focusing. I’m too tired to roll the D60 and figuring out note durations. Back to the easy route of taking groups of notes and making clustery chords. I got 3 chords then went off on a tangent. If this had been a conversation it’s like you were talking about the weather and that reminded me of something and I started talking about a dream I had. It would be rude if I treated you that way, and somehow it seems rude to today’s random notes to treat them that way too. I should respect them and let them say what they have to say! If this were a homework assignment I had to hand in — if I had to compare my work to my classmates’ efforts — I would be trying much harder today. My desire for recognition and praise would motivate me. Even more so if someone said “hey, that’s cool, can I add a countermelody to that” and it became a group effort.

Working on my own without a class to check in with and get energy from, without a teacher for me to entertain…is its own kind of struggle. I think if Jay Allen were here he would encourage me to take the digression. In one of his Skillshare lectures he demonstrated a technique where he took some random notes, played them in a canon against themselves, and listened for anything interesting that emerged. “I kinda like that, now lets transpose it…” A very gentle and exploratory approach. And I think Adam Maness would say that simply sitting at the piano and playing what I hear in my head is a good exercise.

The Power of Habit author would say that simply sitting at the piano the same time every day is a good exercise.

It’s hard to focus today, I’m tired, not feeling very imaginative — well — I was outside in the fresh air for several hours yesterday planting trees! I didn’t think it was very hard work at the time. We were moving slowly and it was just 3 little trees. The weather was exhilarating — brilliant sun, breezy, and just on the boundary of being warm enough to take off a sweater. Every few minutes the sweet scent of the neighbor’s invasive wisteria would waft across the street. I was digging the final hole and backfilling it with compost as the sun was setting. OK, I give myself permission to be tired today lol.

My “morning noodles” project is going well! I’ve only missed a few days, and there are other days when I produce more than one page of noodling. Lately I have been tossing the solfege dice and working with whatever RNGsus gives me.  It’s a set of 15 blank D12 dice. On 12 of them I wrote the solfege syllables, and 3 of them I left blank.

Why solfege dice instead of dice already marked with the notes of the scale? Well, someday I hope to say “alright, today I’m thinking in a different key” instead of orienting myself with the key of C all the time.

The 3 blank dice are often useful; they usually break the 12 random notes into nice phrases. For example, this morning I got

fi fa la (blank) fi di si mi ri li fa la (blank) li

I started out by thinking of it as [F# F A]   [F# C# G# E, D# A# F A]  [Bb]. Then I realized, I could think of it as in the key of Bb minor, with just 2 “spicy notes”,  E and A. That would take advantage of the fact that I tossed a Bb there at the end, all set apart by itself.

I HATE thinking in keys with multiple “black notes”. Starting at the top of the circle of 5ths I’m OK with the top, a little to the right and a little to the left. No more than a quarter circle either way. So when I saw F# C# G# E, right away I was thinking an E chord shell with extensions, or some kind of F# chord. How could that fit with the Bb at the end? F# can’t exist in the same key with Bb!!! — uh, yes it can, if it’s Bb minor.

The chords in Bb minor are

Bb minor

C minor b5

Db major

Eb minor

F minor

F# major (whaaaaat??) — actually Gb major

Ab major

 

That means that using E instead of Eb is a tritone (or sharp 11th), one of my favorite chords. The A is less weird — it’s the major seventh.

I moved the phrases around so I currently have

Eb Bb  F A,  Gb Db Ab E  (down up down, down up down)

Eb Bb F A, ….Bb  (up down up, up)

Yes it’s March 5th already. But I have been Marching Forth.

I’ve been ordering parts for my new PC one item at a time, in case Amazon delivery had a problem. In the past I’ve ordered multiple items from Amazon, and if one of the group doesn’t arrive and everything else does, it’s complicated to clear up. As a result of the daily packages it’s been like the 12 days of Christmas around here. (On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 64 gig of DDR5…)

I still haven’t ordered the storage — solid state drives (what types? my motherboard wants 2 different kinds), hard disk drive (“spinner disk”), external storage for backup? Part of me wants to get a NAS* “because then I could share projects between computers”. My computer tech suggests not buying things until it’s clear that I need them. Ok, yeah, but…having the fancier version makes me feel important, like I’m taking my work seriously, like my work IS important. It’s motivating and empowering. On the other hand, I don’t want to irritate my computer tech.

(*) There was a video recently where the narrator was explaining why he didn’t need an ass, there wasn’t really a situation where he would use an ass, he might get an ass later. At least, that’s what it sounded like he was saying. 😉 So the question is, do I need an ass now, or should I wait, maybe get an ass when they go on sale?

Meanwhile — the Morning Noodles —

I haven’t photographed and stored away the last 3 noodles. There have been Morning Disturbances that interfered with the Morning Noodles. For example, one morning I got a phone call from Matt the Concrete guy, could he come by in 20 min?

For all 3 of these days I’ve played experimental chords at the piano and have written down the chord spellings, but I did not finish filling up the pages. Today my other family members went out to eat and I had the house to myself for an hour. Instead of finishing the Noodle page, I played the prologue of my planet suite at full volume.

At some point I’m going to sit down with each page and translate the chord spellings into music notation. I guess that means right now I have 3 servings of leftover Noodles.

I want to get back to Finale. Here’s where I left off

When I think of video game composers, Curtis Schweitzer is the one I’d most like to learn more about. Here’s an interview with him

https://cheerfulghost.com/jdodson/posts/1248

House drum pattern. This guy is an accidental discovery via Youtube shorts

Useful for making an under-the-desk keyboard tray for MIDI controllers

RMSAET Sliding Keyboard Drawer Tray Hardware 12/14/16/18 inches Slides Heavy Duty Metal Slides Keyboard Slides Mounting Accessories/Ideal for Under Desk Kitchen Cabinet Drawer (12 inches, Black)

The 8Bit Music Theory playlist. I want to work my way through the whole thing!!!

By way of Andrew Huang: here is a guy who makes free plugins, supported by Patreon

https://www.patreon.com/airwindows

http://www.metorchestramusicians.org/blog/2018/9/21/on-drawing-and-music

After internalizing all of these separate qualities, the illustrator won’t draw any one particular mushroom, but the essence of that mushroom, and translate it into his or her interpretation, style, and even emotional response in a way that most people can understand.

You see what I’m getting to now: Isn’t this exactly what musicians do? Isn’t it why computer generated music will never replace the interpretation of a piece by flesh and blood musicians ? The tempo might not be as stable as one generated by a Macintosh, the pitch might vary slightly, but the result is not about ”photographic” rendering of a score. It’s about deconstructing and reimagining in real time the essence of what the composer was trying to express.

I found a whole series of Ayrton’s cartoons / paintings here  http://www.metorchestramusicians.org/cartoons/

Here is the artist’s own page http://www.emmanuelleayrton.com/the-met-orchestra-project/

Here’s an extended quote from the audio course Understanding the Fundamentals of Music by Robert Greenberg, lecture 1.

Music is a language; a mode of sonic communication through which a tremendous amount of information of all sorts — aesthetic, stylistic, emotional and so forth– can be transferred with an ease that belies its complexity. […] I would suggest that music is the ultimate language — a mega language — a language in which our hard-wired proclivities to use successions of pitches and sounds to communicate are exaggerated, intensified, and codified into a sonic experience capable of infinitely more expressive depth and nuance than mere words alone. […] The great mid-century composer, Roger Sessions (who was the teacher of my teacher, a gentleman named Andrew Imbrie) said that music is the “controlled movement of sound in time”. Although we respectfully ask, “Controlled by whom?” Our working definition will draw on what is best from Sessions’ definition. Music is sound in time — or, if you prefer — time ordered by sound. That’s it! And that’s enough. That definition isolates the two essential aspects of music — sound and time — without any qualifications.

Since I am pouring my heart out this morning, here are some observations on my piano lessons.

I love my piano instructor. She reminds me so much of my choir director. High standards; patient, but a little ascerbic. Here is a difference, though. When my choir director would say “Ladies, you sound like wimpy little girls. I need a strong tone”, I knew exactly what to do. With piano — I play something and finally manage to get through it with minimal stumbling — my teacher says “Good. But all I could hear was the left hand” — I literally CAN NOT do it. My left hand isn’t coordinated enough to control the pressure. When I try to touch the keys lightly, I often produce no sound at all. I have a long, long way to go before my piano experiences are anything like my choir experiences.

Here are some of the Big Revelations I’ve gotten from lessons so far —

• sitting like a tripod formed by legs and “sit bones” — then move from the waist. LLLLLEAN to the right or left to reach the higher / lower notes of the piano. DO NOT scoot with your butt on the piano bench, DO NOT sit on a chair with rolling wheels while you practice.
• lifting the hands between phrases. Do not treat the piano like a typewriter.
• If you are playing equally forcefully with both hands, the left hand will overwhelm the right because the piano strings are longer and thicker. Bring out the melody even if it travels from one hand to the other.
• Sharp and flat key signatures are no more dangerous than the other keys. Get to know them. They will not bite you. Well, they may “bite” (when you miss a black key) but it’s not a poisonous bite. Recover and move on.
• If you are playing and something starts to hurt, you are doing something wrong. It shouldn’t hurt.
• The “Bach boys” are fascinating — they lived during a small slice of music history during which many changes were made. (This was an eye-opener for me because all my music history comes from the audio courses of Dr. Robert Greenberg. There’s no course on the Bach Boys.)

This is our first snowstorm of the season. I’m always a timid driver and normally I would have no issues with taking time off class. The problem is that I’ve missed a lot of classes already. I had a big family project that had to be done by Monday. That took up my normal homework and practice time. I could have been disciplined and managed to do both the home project AND my music work, but instead I took the usual amount of time to escape and to take a look at the outside world (checking Twitter and my favorite political blogs). It’s as if the hours in my day form a pie chart, and my music hours were taken over by the project. All the other slices of the pie stayed the same. I could have changed this; earlier in the semester when this sort of thing happened, I would cram the homework in no matter what else was going on — usually by skimping on sleep and taking naps on the weekend.

The result of the sleep-skimping is that I got sick and I’m still carrying the aftereffects of that. I’m not in a lot of pain anymore but I still have symptoms. I’m on an expensive medication and on a very restrictive diet. I think the restrictive diet makes it harder to resist the temptations of Twitter and my favorite blogs.

So the big stumbling blocks this semester have been 1) getting sick 2) taking care of that (doctor appointments, meds / diet) 3) big family project 4) the midterm elections.

I’ve been very invested in politics for the past few years — starting when the fight for the Affordable Care Act was being debated — and I’ve followed the ebb and flow of the conflicts, the cast of characters. I’ve rejoiced with the victories and been worn down by the losses. I remember staying up late to watch the vote on ACA repeal and saw John McCain give the thumbs down (saving at least part of the ACA). I was up til 3 am watching the midterm election results come in last week, and have been obsessively reading the blogs I follow to see what the aftermath has been.

It’s just been in the last few days that I’ve been able to breathe a sigh of relief. Looks like the ACA is safe for now; looks like a lot of environment-destroying legislation will be (mostly) blocked. The most uplifting news is that a LOT of younger people — including women and people of color — have been added to Congress. I read that the average age of congressional members has gone down 10 years because of this incoming class!

I’m happy that this new group of people is coming in — even though all of their legislative ideas will be blocked by the Senate. During this time they can formulate policies and build energy. I have hope that in 2 years they will have some ability to bring these policies forward.

Even when progressive politicians have some control, there is enough of a range in their priorities and opinions that moving forward is not a sure thing. Earlier this week our youngest new member of congress, Alexandria Occasio-Cortez, took part in a climate demonstration in front of Nancy Pelosi’s office. Was the democratic party splitting over this important issue? It turns out, no, it was an opportunity to bring attention to the issue and for Pelosi and AOC to express solidarity. There were a lot of hot takes on Twitter though, and I worried over each one.

All of this taking time and mental energy away from school.

This week I didn’t have the energy to force myself out the door. It’s always difficult for me to go to class when I don’t have the homework done; hard to go to lesson if I haven’t practiced enough. It takes courage and energy to force through the fear and worry; a sort of hammy boldness, putting on a role, getting out there, taking the consequences, bouncing back. Even when the bounces have turned out well, they still were bruising. All semester I have been struggling against the head wind of my own worries and self-consciousness and fear of judgement. It is exhausting and I chose to take a break, get caught up, get in out of the wind. Now it’s hard to get back on my feet.

I can remember the Chromatic Solfege assignment — staying up til 2 am, studying on the bus, singing in my car on the way to the bus stop, sitting in my hideaway in the stairwell, practicing, practicing. I was terrified. It took courage to decide “OK, I’m only going to learn PART of this, I’ll take the C but at least I’ll have that part down solid”. Then the test was postponed; I don’t know if we will ever get credit for having done it. I’m proud to have learned it — I think it has carried over and helped in other areas (intonation, sight reading) — but I feel bruised by the process. Not the assignment itself but the stress of my own reaction to it.

Every time I raise my hand in class — and feel stupid afterward — is a bruise. “Seriously Carol, did you have to SING the bass line to Dido’s Lament, nobody has heard of it but you and the prof, just answer the question and shut up”.

Doing a make up exam — in a drafty hallway — with a drummer practicing a samba rhythm in one ear and in my other ear a pianist forging away at arpeggios — was bruising. Not to mention having to re-schedule the exam twice because I mis-read the family calendar.

It takes about an hour and a half to get to class — half an hour to the bus stop, half an hour on the bus, and about 20 minutes before class. When I have energy I use this as an opportunity to study.  I do vocal exercises in the car, experimenting with feeling the resonance as I make different sounds. I use my large-print solfeggio book, or flash cards, on the bus. Hallway time is great for last-minute reviews before class. But it’s stressful — that’s about 3 hrs out of my pie chart of time.

Well, this has turned into more of a journal entry than a post. But in conclusion.

Music school. Positive or negative?

Overwhelmingly positive experience — I love my instructors and fellow students — and I’m learning so much and have made so much progress already — but the act of BEING A STUDENT is too much for me. I suck at it. I’m tired of dealing with my own inadequacies. Executive function, being on time, taking care of my health — I suck at it. I should have stuck with taking online courses. Then I wouldn’t be having bland chamomile tea and white rice for breakfast. I wouldn’t feel sick with guilt because it’s snowing and  I’m afraid to drive in the snow.

Well — getting discouraged, feeling like a failure, and wanting to quit are all legit parts of the musician’s experience. I guess this is my topic for this week. Dealing with Failure and Self-Loathing.

I got through the week on Transposition and the week on Chromatic Solfege; maybe I can do this one too.